Tuesday, November 02, 2010

The 2010 NFL Pack Your Bag Tour

In my NFL 2010 Week 8 Wrap Up, I talked about the Pack Your Bag Tour and the possibility of it heading to your city for your NFL head coach.  After the last few days of watching and listening to what is the NFL, I’ve come up with a road map of sorts.  If you live in one of these cities, look for the Pack Your Bag Tour Bus to stop by.

Stop #1
Minneapolis, Minnesota – Our first stop will be in the state of 10,000 lakes.  After compromising not only himself but probably his team over the past two years, Brad Childress deserves to be the first member on the ‘Pack Your Bag’ Tour Bus.  We all know about Childress’ pursuit of then retired Brett Favre which was akin to you asking the popular older girl to come to the dance with you, but after she says ‘no’ repeatedly, that’s when you really start going after her.  You offer her money (2 year $25M deal), the date could be on her terms (no training camp), and basically you just go all the way to groveling (picking him up at the airport).  On top of that, once you get what you ask for, you take subtle hits on said girl in the media about her not listening to you and making her own decisions.  To make matters worse, the play calling has been horrendous, especially with the talent that you’ve been able to acquire.  Just an utter fail on Childress’ part and it’s time to let the coach fall on his sword.  Have we mentioned the Randy Moss debacle yet?  You release a guy 4 weeks after you acquire him, after you have given up a 3rd round pick to get him and he could conceivably return to the team that traded him for nothing.  It also looks like you made the decision by yourself as your owner isn’t too happy about getting rid of Moss.  Childress you can sit anywhere you want to on the bus, because you are the first guest. 

Stop #2
Washington, D.C. – Good morning Mr. Shanahan.  Yes, I struggled to put him this high as our route could have made several other stops along the way, but after this weekend it’s just time.  This is week 8 of the NFL season and for you to publicly state that you pulled your starting QB, Donovan McNabb on a ‘gut feel’ for Rex Grossman was bad.  Then to make matters worse, you retrace your steps and say publicly that ‘Grossman had a better grasp of the 2-minute drill than McNabb does’.  Even right there, I think that you have given me enough to make sure that you get on the bus, but finally you say that McNabb ‘lacked the cardiovascular endurance it takes to run the two-minute drill’.  That noise that you hear, are the crickets chirping.  You are the head coach of a decent team and you are telling me that you are just finding out that you starting QB isn’t capable of running a 2-minute drill?  Because he’s not in shape?  Where have you been the entire year?  Oh yeah, I forgot, you were making sure that your high priced defensive end, Haynesworth, was being sufficiently embarrassed to the national media.  I guess you get a pass for that?  Let me just provide you with some kind of advice for the future:  Rex Grossman should not be put in the game for McNabb unless McNabb is unconscious, literally broken in half, or dead.  In each of those situations, you should probably call a timeout and see if you can get McNabb in the game before you insert Grossman.  You also might want to fire your son who can’t seem to call plays for a college team.  Needless to say, the tenor of your comments about McNabb make you are second guest on the Pack Your Bag Tour Bus, welcome. 

Stop #3
Cincinnati, Ohio – And here we thought Ohio was all about LeBron.  Marvin Lewis, it’s been some time coming.  We sent you a ticket for the Pack Your Bag Tour Bus, but last year you seemed to not want to go for a ride with your teams’ performance.  This year it seems as though, you’re right back where we started.  I’ll admit that you’ve taken on your fair share of reclamation projects, with Adam Jones being the most recent and that’s commendable.  But, your team is struggling and it seems as though you only pick up people named Palmer to play QB, which is fine if one of them is actually playing well.  I really don’t have the time to go back over several to document all of the issues this team has had since you came on board, and I think you know this time has been coming.  (Door Opens) Just get on the bus, don’t make me wait. 

Stop #4
Arlington, Texas – Wade, how’s it going?  Not so well, huh?  You guys can’t run the ball, Tony Romo might be out all year, and your defense can’t seem to stop anyone?  Yeah, that does sound bad.  What can you do to get this team motivated?  ‘If I knew what the problem was, I would have already done something to change it’.  Not only is that a true and honest statement but a very damaging one too.  Wade has had an All-Star team worth of talent on both sides of the ball, but I think that his style just doesn’t work for this team.  I don’t think that the team is really taking him seriously and based on their last game against the Jaguars, I think this team is planning vacations already.  For some reason the Cowboys are holding out hope that Romo can come back before the end of the year (thus not putting him on IR just yet), but we know it’s over, right?  If there was a concern for those in Dallas, unless you’re a Mavericks fan (sorry to the Rangers also), there’s nothing to really root for in the Dallas area.  (Please also note that the NBA season has just begun, so I imagine that the Mavs will be done shortly before spring).  Jerry Jones first said that your job was not in question, and then he did research to see how teams fared by changing coaches in the middle of a season.  Wade, the Pack Your Bag Tour Bus is right out front.  Let’s not make Jerry do this publically.  If you’re upset, you can sit in the back until you calm down.  We still have two more stops to make. 

Stop #5
San Diego, California – Go Chargers Go!!!!!  Actually that should be go Norv go.  I hear that there might be an opening back in Dallas, probably the site of your best work.  Let’s just face the facts, you were a good/great offensive coordinator when you had Troy, Irvin, and Smith, but they are long gone.  You had LT (in his prime), Rivers, Gates, Merriman, V. Jackson, and a host of other talent but for some reason you can’t seem to get them motivated to perform.  Yes, part of that should be the player themselves, but each of your teams have had lackluster starts each season and you can’t keep wasting this type of talent.  Add to this that once you get to the playoffs (if you get there), the play calling becomes horrendous, or maybe it’s always that way but there are other games to watch so we can’t really pay that close attention.  Either way, this has also been sometime coming.  The bus will be here shortly, just make sure your bag is packed.  (Is that a man purse?).  You can have another bag if you need it, but just get on the bus.  (Interesting note:  Norv has actually worked in 3 of our stops on the Pack Your Bag Tour:  Dallas, Washington, and San Diego.)

Stop #6       
Chicago, Illinois – The Pack Your Bag Tour Bus has just pulled up to Soldier Field.  It’s only Tuesday but we know that the Bears have enjoyed their bye week and they are presently preparing to head to Buffalo for their game this weekend.  The plan for right now is to just wait in the parking lot and see how Lovie does this week against the Bills.  There have been emails and postcards requesting that we pick Lovie up on the Pack Your Bag Tour Bus (even I have recommended this happen), but since we have 5 people on the bus right now, we’re going to give Lovie a reprieve until the Bills game is over.  Wade Phillips is laying down across a seat so he is keeping a seat warm for Lovie.  

Ok, should the Pack Your Bag Tour Bus come to your city?  If so, why?  Let us know and we will schedule a trip to your city. 

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